From
the Covenant Network Conference
Holy unions: what's really involved in planning a
ceremony?
by Gene TeSelle
One of the workshops at the Covenant Network
conference dealt with the controversial and often misunderstood issue of
"holy unions." Chaired by the Rev. Jeff Doane of the Lincoln
Park church in Chicago, it featured the Rev. Deb Gaussmann of Sixth
Presbyterian Church in Pittsburgh and a lesbian couple, Mary Herbert and
Rachel Kudrick, for whom she performed a ceremony this past summer.
Gaussmann emphasized that performing a religious
ceremony around a same-sex commitment does not involve the one day on
which it occurs. Months of counseling and discussion are involved; then
there is careful preparation for a public event of commitment before a
group of friends and supporters. In the case of a same-sex union it
becomes clear that the couple is not just "doing what they're
expected to be doing." The invitation often comes as a surprise to
friends and relatives. They are uncertain what to expect. But afterward
they comment that this was the best commitment ceremony in which they
have been involved, making them think about their own vows.
The reason, of course, is that a same-sex commitment
service, Gaussmann commented, "ratchets up" the meaning of a
"covenant relationship." A different kind of service needs to
be constructed, all the way to the final declaration. They are not
"husband and wife, according to the law of the state." After
discussion with this couple, Gaussmann chose the language of
"couple for life."
In a sermon the next day at the Conference, Scott
Anderson pointed out that the words of Ruth to Naomi, "Where you go
I will go, where you lodge I will lodge, your people shall be my people,
and your God my God," read in countless weddings, were originally
those of one woman to another. Covenant commitment can take many forms!
Several ministers commented that they had performed services of
commitment for heterosexual couples who faced various forms of
"marriage penalty" -- inheritances, health care plans, and so
on -- but wished to declare their permanent commitment to each other.
It was in recognition of this, Jeff Doane said, that
the Lincoln Park church prepared an information and policy sheet on
"Covenantal Ceremonies," based on the Directory for
Worship (W-6.2002, W-6.3010), stating the responsibilities of the
church and its minister and session in providing pastoral care and
spelling out the procedures for any Covenantal Ceremony (a marriage or
other form of committed relationship).
In discussion, a number of participants mentioned
several books containing model services for same-sex commitment services.
Two titles mentioned were Equal Rites, published several years
ago, and The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings,
published last year.
There was also a proposal to establish an internet
meeting for mutual support among ministers who have performed commitment
ceremonies so that they can exchange their experiences and pray for the
couples involved. Some commented that, if Amendment O should be adopted
this year, their call as pastors means continuing their pastoral
responsibility to gay and lesbian couples who wish to enter into the
same covenantal relationship as straight people and share the same joys
-- and the same tensions and struggles! -- as those who are in the
marriage relationship that has so long been recognized by the church.
